They Don't Dance

I recently watched an older movie called "Molly." It is a true story about a profoundly autistic young woman. I was struck by a scene in which she was trying to explain to a group of doctors and psychiatrists how it was to be in her head.

She said, "I think that's what I find most strange about this world...is that nobody ever says how they feel. They hurt but they don't cry out

they're happy but they don't dance or jump around

and they're angry but they hardly ever scream because they'd feel ashamed...nothing's worse than that...

...so we all walk around with our heads looking down...
and never look up and see how beautiful the sky is."

When I was young, all I wanted to be was a dancer and a mommy. I was encouraged in my mommy quest by being the mother to my dollies and eventually, to my five children

...but the dancer in me was starved and eventually died.

There were never aspirations of stardom, but maybe just dancing with the Jackie Gleason Dancers would have sufficed. I don't really place total blame on my religious upbringing, but it did play a large part in the squelching of my body trying to keep up with my joy.

You see, OUR God did not go for dancing...he just would not tolerate my body moving the way He created it to move... or maybe it was the Pharisees who made those rules and everyone just blindly followed.

...What I DO know is that the joy I felt when I put on my noisiest shoes and went into the kitchen and pretended to be a tap dancer was a memory that will never leave my mind. The fun I had when I took square dancing at school (even though I was not supposed to - I kept it from my parents.) And the sheer pleasure of my expressive dances by myself while listening to Three Dog Night or Bread up in my attic room.

Did I ever feel guilty? NOT ONE IOTA! Did I feel JOYFUL? You betcha I did! I never did buy into the "dancing is a sin" baloney. In my mind, I reasoned that God would not have created our bodies like that if it didn't please Him...and I would not have read about "David dancing before the Lord with all his might..."

So what does all of this have to do with MY HAPPY HEART? Well, I think if I can find that girl who used to express joy by dancing or jumping up and down...

...then I may look up and see how beautiful the sky is.