WHERE ARE YOU MY FRIENDS?

 O.K., I just have to say some things that may be uncomfortable for some of my friends. But then, that seems to be par for MY course these days.... I mean, making people uncomfortable. This will be a combination of that and whining on my part, as I do tend to feel sorry for myself these days.

Keep one thing in mind. You can stay in the uncomfortable position that I put you in, or you can change positions and choose to get comfy. I will no longer be responsible for your discomfort.

I have not said, and will not say too much on this blog about what has happened in my life and marriage. If you want to know, you are going to have to ask me.

With that said, this is the subject of much uneasiness among some who I have considered to be my close friends throughout my adult life. Discomfort is all I can surmise, since I have been all but ignored by a big chunk of them.

Yeah, I know I have fingers, too and can dial the phone. However, something funky happens when you go through divorce with as many years under your belt as we had. I am self-conscious and hesitant  about calling my friends because I don't really know if they want to hear from me or not. My guess is that it hits too close to home and associating with me may not be uplifting....or something like that. I'm just not sure.

I get the feeling that as soon as my good friends heard about my enormous heartaches, they released pheromones to protect themselves, it must be one of two...or both of the following:

• Releaser pheromones are pheromones that cause an alteration in the behavior of the recipient.

• Epideictic pheromones are different from territory pheromones, when it comes to insects. Females who lay their eggs in certain fruits deposit these mysterious substances in the vicinity of their clutch to signal to other females of the same species they should clutch elsewhere.

Of course, this is somewhat tongue-in-cheek....but please don't discount the underlying purpose for writing this. And that is the fact that my disappointment in those who promised to love me throughout life is deep and I'm not sure what I did wrong except stand up for myself and refuse to be dishonored.

Nobody knows what happened in my life except for the one who wore MY SHOES, and that is me only.

Some of the people who have been the dearest to me through this are my family members and those I have only recently come to know well, and I thank you all for what your acceptance has meant to me.

Now, lest you start feeling guilty because you know you are one of these friends I am talking about, let me take you back about 30 or more years.

In our little "click" of friends, there was a couple who split up. The "group" as a whole, myself included (and me at the front of the parade,) turned our backs on them. Without saying as much, they were out of our special group. All because we judged them to be unworthy because of the status of their marriage.

When we could have loved them the best, we loved them the worst.

Since then, I have asked forgiveness of them, but it does not erase a thing. It only made me feel better about myself. That kind of damage cannot be undone.

It is fitting to bring this scripture into the mix because it is one of the truest things that I have ever read or experienced: Matthew 7 (Message)

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

AKA: "in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.."

I was reading another scripture that spoke about condemnation. I love what the Message says in Romans 8: 1-2:

With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us, no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.

So, I guess to bring this all full circle to a closed and locked position, I have to say that others opinions of me or fears about being in my "circle" do not (or SHOULD not) have a black cloud effect on me. If I get to thinking about it, it can get me down. Lately I look at some of my friends families and marriages and feel wistful and envious  and compare and see that most everything in my life has seemed to go sideways. I have had those who all but told me I didn't do things right and that is why I am going through all of this.

But the choice that I make is to love in spite of others' newfound distrust of me (because I MUST be sinful since my marriage is over.)

So, I will cling to the fact that the very one who gave me life and breath is the one and only one who DOES NOT CONDEMN ME!

There, I said it and I feel better and FREE!