LETTING GO

Maybe everyone's life is a series of letting go...but it seems like it is my life that has had to let go of its fair share. But then...I do tend to feel sorry for myself on occasion.

The recent letting go of my big happy family table got me to thinking of this. As I revisit these things, I will undoubtedly cry, but I am no stranger to tears in recent years.

Things

 

They are just things aren't they? I mean...it shouldn't be hard to let go of an inanimate object..right? Oh, yes, but so many emotions are attached to things. Even attitudes about those things.

Take my vintage baby buggy for instance.

Nobody knows how precious this was to me. It wasn't the actual perambulator that was precious, but the memories... I got it when my first baby was born. I remember pushing Ali in it to the grocery store and loading the groceries and the baby and feeling on top of the world.

When baby #2 came along, I could put them both in there and go wherever I wanted. Some of my friends may remember seeing me push this buggy up the hill to church! It was so rugged and sturdy that at times, I pushed all three babies in it!

When babies were grown, I envisioned putting antique things in it and one day, when my children had children, I would push them in it....or my kids would beg me to let them have it and then they would have the happy memories.

Why didn't that happen? Because I was the one with the emotions and happy memories attached to it, not them.

As we moved a million times, my vision faded, and my vigilance to keep my buggy became just too much. My family was pushing me to get rid of it and I doggedly hung onto what was in my mind. After suffering through many battles to keep it, I let it go. I gave it to someone who really wanted it and hoped she will have happy memories with it.

It was very hard, but freeing.

Bigger things... 

 

About 12 or so years ago, I lived in a home. A home with the happiest of memories. A home where I raised 5 children, 1 husband, 3 dogs, 3 cats, 1 sheep named Maybell, 1 hamster, 1 goldfish, six or more ponies, 2 goats, 2 chickens, gophers, snakes and mice, and countless random friends of mine and my children. 

I made more chocolate chip cookies in that house than I can count...always having some handy for a stray teenage friend of one of my kids.

It is where we decided to adopt our girls and then brought them home to this happy house. It is where I homeschooled some of my children. It was birthday party central. It was where my kids decided to have a carnival to welcome the summer. We must have had over 50 kids and parents there that day.

It was where, when Peter begged me for a horse, he found that Vern the Pony man, would let him take care of his ponies in our big yard. 

We saw so many answers to prayer and so much heartache right there in that big, wonderful, happy home.

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me to let go of was my garden. I would work countless hours in my garden. The kids would wander out around 6 pm and ask if there was going to be anything for dinner or was it a "Root, hog or die" night....and it was usually the latter.

On several occasions, while alone in my garden, with a contented feeling beyond description... I heard the Lord. Yes, I did. 

He said to me, 

"Are you willing to give this all up?"

Hoping it was a trick question or that he was just checking, I said aloud, "Of course I am willing! You KNOW I am willing...." And, of course, I meant it.

I would forget about the short conversation and it happened a couple more times. It actually started making me nervous because, I thought I may actually have to give it up, but was hoping beyond hope that he was just checking up and I hoped I had given the right answer!

To this day, I still have tears of sadness as I remember...  Not only did I have to give it up, but it took something from me when we left our happy family home. I left something there, something that didn't fit in the U-Haul.

So, you see, I am becoming quite adept at letting go. The big happy table that I sold the other day, is nothing compared to the pieces of my heart that I have had to let go of in recent years.

Today, I am going to go into my extra room and dig through some of the antique children's books that I so lovingly collected over the years, and decide which ones to let go.